I always knew when I’d become a mom I’d try my damn hardest to give my children a happy and secure upbringing. As soon as I became pregnant with my daughter, I set out to find a parenting book to help me with this task. I found tons of books, but for every glowing recommendation there was an equal and opposite horrible one. I was completely confused by where to start. I read one very well-liked bestselling book and hated it. It seemed completely basic and primitive. Then I realized why there was such a dichotomy of opinions on the books: like in politics, we each have different ideas, philosophies, advice that we connect to. While one parent may love the attachment parenting theory, another (me) will find it completely unreasonable and hokey. Similarly, each child is different, what may work for one, may not work for another. Unfortunately, by the time I had this epiphany, my baby was about a month away from being born and I was not much closer to knowing about parenting. To my amazement there was no one-stop portal that synopsizes all popular parenting books and philosophies to help parents decide which ones might be right for them. Hence the idea for this blog.
I know how little time parents have already, so reading 10 of the most popular parenting books is out of the question. So for the first year of my daughter’s life I made it my job to do just that. Thus far I have read (and re-read) over 30 (and counting) of the most popular and reputable baby books available (over 10,000 pages in total) and summarized its main points in a clear, concise and easy to understand format on this blog. I’ve parsed through all this information to relay what I find useful, fluff, overly idealistic or plain ridiculous. I also don’t throw the baby out with the bath water – I explain how I’ve taken ideas and made it my own or which of the author’s advice I’ve used and which I completely ignored. You’ll learn that I don’t treat any one book as the bible. This way parents can get a crash course on parenting and decide which books and ideas they want to read and explore in more detail.
This has truly become my passion; I am fired up about this idea of helping new moms while simultaneously bettering myself as a mother.
So now who am I?
The sharpest I can make myself sound is state that I went to a fancy law school (but then I’d also have to say I dropped out) and gave the commencement address at my college graduation. So not much in the child-development credentials department. Who I really am is the wife to a fantastic man and mother of a delicious daughter. I’m the sister of ten siblings and have had many unique and character-building life experiences that have given me a very commonsensical, realistic, understanding, but no-nonsense view of life. I am extremely genuine and despise hypocrisy and inconsistency. It is with these perspectives that I write my reviews.
Who am I not?
I am not a perfect mom. Perfection is always an improbability but in parenting it’s an absolute impossibility. There will always be situations where you need to pick the best choice out of imperfect options. However, I strongly believe that being a parent is a responsibility that requires tremendous work and sacrifice and is a job to be taken extremely seriously. I do not agree with the common sentiment that by virtue of having birthed a child, a mother is an automatic saint, hero or warrior. In fact, I believe our world could use a greater dose of parental involvement and mindful parenting.
If all you read on my blog is this page, here are my thoughts after reading all these books: the little things don’t matter. Whether you put your kid in a hemp blanket or an electric swing, your kid will likely end up just the same. What matters is the context in which you raise your child. Focus on creating a happy, calm, safe and stable home. Make sure your child has a home they feel good, proud and safe coming home to. Make sure they feel loved, accepted, safe and secure. Understand that you are the most impactful person in their life and act accordingly. The rest is just commentary.
I genuinely do want to hear your thoughts. This blog is not about me, it is about coming together for a collective goal of being the best parents we can be. I’d love to know what worked for you, what didn’t and what books/ philosophies you’ve loved or hated. I’d also like to hear what other books you’d like me to review here. Thanks for being here with me!
Some additional philosophies that will impact my book reviews:
I believe in reality. Some things sound wonderful but are just not realistic.
I believe there is such a thing as a bad mom. I don’t lead with the presumption that all moms are doing great and should, “just keep going mama.”
I believe it’s often “me, not you” when it comes to parenting. Look at your own actions before blaming your child for negative behaviors. At least to thy own self, be true.
I don’t believe you’re a hero, warrior or saint by virtue of having birthed a child
You are extremely powerful as a parent. You may see yourself as insignificant in the world, but to your child you are literally everything (even when they say or act otherwise).
I know that many issues in life have no perfect solution. I proceed by calculating opportunity costs and net benefits.
If you brought a child into this world, it is your responsibility to take fabulous care of them. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs goes way beyond food and water. You did her no favors by simply birthing her or just keeping her alive. In the words of the Great Chris Rock, “yo supposed to feed yo kids.”
I think parents don’t ask “why” enough. Ask yourself, “Why?” Why is my baby crying? Why is my toddler constantly whining? Why is my kid choosing bad friends? Don’t just blame.
I believe that children are their future. Teach them well.
